Woolverton Grad Last Holdout for High School Reunion

Eager organizers of the Class of 2001 Woolverton ten year high school reunion are disappointed one of their fellow grads refuses to attend, citing hatred of his school everyone who ever attended it. His bitterness culminated when year book authors refused to give him a graduation quote. It's the only time in the Woolverton Memerymaster's 80 year history that a grad hasn't had a quote, according to Cody Overmyer, the disgruntled grad.

Reunion co-chair Mallory Osby claims the missing quote was out of respect for Overmyer. "No one really liked him so it was either say something bad, or say nothing at all. I think he really lucked out from our kindness."

Overmyer says he has no desire to attend the reunion. "Why would I?" he asked. "Everyone who went to that school is either a heavy equipment operator with a drinking problem or bull semen extractors."

In fact only five members of his graduating class have ever extracted semen from a bull according to phone calls made by the News to registered 2001 grads.

But Overmyer is still defiant. "Do you know what's involved in bull semen extraction? It takes a lot of talent and just the right words whispered into the bull's ear." Overmyer went on to say no girl in high school would have sex with him or even entertain an offer of a date despite his good looks a sparkling personality.

Ms. Osby still encourages Overmyer to attend the reunion. "Many of us were pretty wild back then but we have even lower standards now so who knows?" she laughed. "He could finally get lucky."