Demolition Company Frightened of Chilson Murder House

A long-despised dilapidated two-storey home at the end of  Baumgartner Street can't find a company willing to demolish it due to a fear of its quirky but vengeful ghosts.

"We get complaints about that house almost every week," said Mayor McElroy. "Mostly from the living but we do get the odd ghost calling in complaining about noise in the area." Mayor "Mack" has a history of heavy drinking.

The house was slated for demolition two years ago and has been considered an eye sore since it was abandoned after the 1993 gruesome murder of its three residents. Max Muszynski, known as the "Toe Killer" (he amputated his victims' toes and used them in stews) was caught shortly after and subsequently hung for his involvement in numerous area killings. However, the demolition company contracted to take down the house backed out of the project after the owner lost a toe preparing the house for demo.

Residents in that part of town are convinced the home is haunted. "Every now and again you see them having a party in there--the ghosts and whatever," said  neighbour Kelly Lokey, a nineteen year-old cook. "It's creepy because their toes just float around the room with them. That must bug them but they're good dancers in spite of their handicap."

Neil Fickes claims the ghostly occupants of the house like to barbecue. "I don't normally care for pork but they have a way with swine," said Fickes, who claims the spirits are harmless. "One did try to come over to my house at night and enter my bedroom but I said, 'No! You're not a girl ghost, get out! We spent the night cuddling.'"

Mayor Mack says the home has to go regardless of who or what lives there. "They're not paying taxes and the place is a nuisance. The property has a new owner and those ghosts have got to go somewhere else...like the old folks' home. They can maybe keep the old people company and let them know what to expect, you know like death guidance counsellors or something. I'm sure we could find some money to start a program like that."

Pastor Allan Provo reminds us that the dead do not walk the earth, not even in Nut Mountain. "When you die your soul goes to Heaven or Hell, more likely Hell if you don't attend church." Provo noted that Sunday services begin at 10 AM and this week's sermon is "If You're Going to Believe In Ghosts, Why Not Ours?"